


The Courtship

by CJ_fics



Series: World's End [1]
Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-21
Updated: 2015-07-21
Packaged: 2018-04-10 11:51:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,039
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4390817
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CJ_fics/pseuds/CJ_fics
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The first few weeks of Oliver and Felicity's road trip. Sexual frustration and some angst abound.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Courtship

Contrary to what Felicity had expected, she and Oliver did not have sex until the third week of what she called their ‘great escape’.

When he called her from Thea’s place, after the mess with the League of Assassins were dealt with, asking if he could go to her place that evening, she responded with an enthusiastic, “Yes! Yes, please.” Seeming to know exactly where her thoughts had taken her – that magical, passionate, intense, very lusty night in Nanda Parbat – he cleared his throat and said, “Only to see you. Maybe to cuddle? I want to take things slow.”

And, he did, despite her throwing herself at him.

Oh, they made out. They made out a lot. He even slept with her on her bed the evening before they left Starling City, cuddling with her and holding her in his arms, as he had promised. But beyond that, Oliver didn’t want to take things further. He never went beyond second base.

He had said that he wanted to enjoy their time together, now that they had the time. He said he wanted to 'woo’ her, court her properly, go on dates, hold hands, have deep meaningful conversations, repair their relationship, flirt a lot, hang out, before taking that step toward sexual intimacy.

She had responded with a frustrated, “Isn’t that like closing the barn door after the cows have left? We’ve already had sex, Oliver! Three times! In Nanda Parbat!”

Oliver had let out that half-huff, half-chuckle, he always did when something she did made him happy, “I know, Felicity. But let’s be patient. Get to know one another before taking that step. We have the time to do that now. I want to do that for us.”

She relented with sigh.

For three weeks, heading east, stopping over little towns and big cities, learning each other in ways they never had time to before. For a while, Felicity saw Oliver’s point.

It was fun dating and being 'wooed’ by Oliver. With thoughtful gestures, both little and small (she still couldn’t believe he got vanity plates for the car that said “2FS-4FR”, or that he rented an old drive-in movie theatre for the two them to watch classic black and white films one evening, or that he always had coffee for her first thing in the morning). By opening up to her little by little, telling her more about his time away, about his fears, about his thoughts. By flirting with her, showing her a glimpse of what he was like as a teenager just realising that girls did not have cooties. By holding her hand – always – as they drove, as they walked around the towns and cities they went through, as they ate their meals. By always, always cuddling with at the end of their day, nuzzling her neck, kissing her shoulders, stroking her skin. By asking her questions, so many questions, about everything about her – her childhood, her high school years, her MIT days, her first years in Starling City, her thoughts and opinions of every conceivable topic, her feelings about everything.

It was fun 'wooing’ him as well, she had to admit. Giving him neck and shoulder rubs after a long day of driving. Making sure that she set up weekly calls with Thea. Organising some their date nights. Buying them court-side tickets to whatever sports game was playing at the towns and cities they were in. Making sure that their cooler was always stocked with the apple-ginger cider that he loved. Cooking him dinner, especially after she discovered how much he loved her latke. Prodding him to tell her his stories, but also knowing when to back off and give him space. Listening to him, and sharing her own history with him. Wearing the hot pink tank top, denim miniskirt he loved on her every time she had the chance.

She loved it, she loved the time they spent getting to know each other, courting each other, she really did. But after three weeks of spending almost every hour of every day with Oliver, falling deeper in love with him the more she got to know him, being able to kiss him and make out with him whenever she wanted, Felicity had enough of their abstinence.

In Sante Fe, New Mexico, she woke up the same she had done for the last three weeks – in different towns and cities – with her back against Oliver’s naked chest, his arms wrapped tight from behind her, his face tucked into the corner of her neck and her shoulder, his legs tangled with hers, and his thumb stroking the exposed skin between her tank top and boy shorts.

“Good morning,” Oliver whispers, nuzzling his nose deeper into nape, dropping a kiss on her shoulder.

“Good morning,” she murmurs back, pressing her bottom against his hips, feeling that thing of his that could really make their morning better than good.

“Felicity,” he says slowly, lifting his head from her shoulder and grasping her hip to stop her movement.

“Oliver,” she sighs, “What are we waiting for?”

Oliver exhales and untangles himself from her, sitting up and rubbing his hands on his face.

Felicity turns on her back to face him, “Oliver?”

When he doesn’t respond, Felicity gets a little annoyed. She was grumpy enough in the mornings. Add to that three weeks worth of sexual frustration and a non-responsive boyfriend, then she was justified in her annoyance.

She gets up from the bed with a huff to head to the bathroom for a cold shower. A very cold one.

“Felicity…” Oliver calls out hesitantly, swinging his legs from the bed to follow her.

“It’s fine, Oliver,” Felicity says, hoping that she doesn’t sound pathetic. A part of her had wondered about Oliver’s ability to 'keep it in his pants’ with her, when he had never hesitated with any other woman before. She tried not to entertain that tiny, insecure part of her, because she would die before she ever shows that to Oliver and then he feels compelled to prove her wrong. That would be the ultimate definition of pity sex, she thought bitterly.

Reminding herself that it would be the height of being pathetic, if her boyfriend had sex with her to quiet her petty insecurities, she turns flashes a smile and a shrug at him, “Ignore me. I’m just frustrated, I guess. I’m going to take a shower now.”

“I could never ignore you,” he responds gently, taking a step closer to her.

Needing time to herself to talk herself out of her frustration and insecurities, she steps away from him. If he touches her now, she would probably burst into tears. And that was the last thing they needed. “Need to pee!” she shouts, before walking quickly to the bathroom.

Oliver sits back down on the side of the bed with a heavy sigh, resting his elbows on his thighs to run his clasped hands on the back of head. He knew that Felicity was sexually frustrated. He was, too. It was just that, he didn’t feel that he had earned the privilege to take that next step in their relationship.

He knew that they’ve made love before (three times, as Felicity liked to remind him). But the circumstances that time were different. He was staying behind to be Wareeth Al Ghul, and he didn’t know if he would survive the plan against Ra’s. And then Felicity was telling him the words he longed to hear from her, then she was kissing him. Their time together in Nanda Parbat was him being selfish, relishing the intimacy he craved with Felicity but never actually deserved. It was him having one final happiness before he died as Al Sahim.

Now, things were different. He had done such unforgivable things as Al Sahim, betraying John and Lyla, betraying Felicity, breaking her heart, leaving her in that dungeon thinking he was leaving her to die and marry Nyssa, breaking her heart again by planning to die in that airplane with the virus and Ra’s. That was on top of all of the things he had done to hurt her as Oliver Queen – having that one night stand with Isabel, getting into a relationship with Sara, denying how much he loved her, refusing to fight for them, letting her go, choosing to work with Malcolm Merlyn, making her believe that his love for her did not stand up to his identity as the Arrow. Disappointing her over and over again.

He just needed time – they had the time now – to prove himself worthy. To prove that his love was something she could want. To prove himself deserving of Felicity, and everything that they could have together.

“Bathroom’s all yours,” Felicity announces as she steps into their bedroom, dressed for the day in knee-length yellow summer dress.

“I haven’t made your coffee. I’m sorry,” he says looking up at her with sad eyes. He stands from the bed and motions to the coffee and tea service that came with their hotel room, “I can brew you a cup now.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Felicity says with small smile, heading towards the vanity. She takes the comb to gather her hair in a high ponytail, “I can get coffee when we go for breakfast. So, hurry up! I’m getting hungry.”

“Felicity,” he joins her at the vanity, “I’m sorry that–”

“Oliver,” she interrupts, meeting his eyes through the mirror, “I don’t need you to apologise for not being ready to have sex with me. You don’t owe me anything. Especially that.”

“But–”

“Look, I know you’re not ready. I get that,” she insists, turning to face him, “And that’s fine. More than fine, in fact. I just get frustrated, you know. I have this hunky boyfriend, so it’s just natural that I would like some frick-frack with him. And now I’m taking about you in the third person! I’m going to stop that. What I mean is that, you know I’ve always been physically-attracted to you. It’s not like that was ever a secret. So, I get frustrated sometimes. I think that’s understandable, right? But it doesn’t mean that you owe me sex just because I want it. It’s OK, if you don’t want to have sex with me – yet! Eventually, you will, right? I–”

“I want to have sex with you, Felicity!” It’s Oliver’s turn to interrupt, “How could you ever think that I don’t want you? This is not about that, Felicity. It’s not tha–”

“Oh, god!” Felicity closes her eyes in embarrassment. This was the last thing she wanted! She didn’t want him to try to convince her that he wanted her! She didn’t want to be that pathetic!

“I don’t think you’re pathetic, Felicity,” he says in a desperate voice, reaching out to clutch her shoulders.

“Shit, I said that aloud, didn’t I,” she drops her head, tears gathering in her closed eyes.

“Felicity,” Oliver implores, bending down to try to meet her eyes, “Look at me. Please.”

Felicity takes a steadying breath before opening her eyes to meet his, even though she would rather she be swallowed up by the ground than to have this conversation. But, if he’s the one asking, “It’s OK, Oliver.”

“It’s not OK that you think I don’t want you,” he huffs, “I do, Felicity! More than I’ve ever wanted anyone. You have to believe that. I love you. I’m in love with you. I want you.”

He cups her face in his hands, bending down further to kiss her. The kiss is hot from the get-go, his mouth open, his tongue reaching between hers, coaxing her to let him in. He sinks his tongue in her mouth as soon as grants him entrance, seeking her tongue out to play with his, his mouth sucking hers. Without breaking their kiss, his hands reach for her ass, pressing her against his hips, rubbing her against him, before lifting her in his arms to take her back to bed.

At the feel of being lifted, Felicity moans, clutching Oliver’s chest and wrapping her legs around his hips.

Then she stops with gasp, “No, Oliver, no!” She struggles to get down and out of his arms.

Oliver lets her go, “Felicity?”

“Give me a moment,” she gasps, holding a palm out against him, her right hand on her chest as she catches her breath. “Oh, god, oh, god, oh, god…” she mutters.

“Felicity?” Oliver asks again, turning her face towards him with a hand on her chin, “What’s wrong?”

“I didn’t want you to have sex with me to prove you that me that you want me!” Felicity cries, tears falling down her cheeks, her face red, “I don’t want pity sex from you, Oliver! Just because you’re worried that I don’t think you want me – that’s not a reason to have sex! I want you to want me. I want you to want to have sex with me because you want me. Not because you don’t want me to think that you don’t want me. Not because you want to show me that I’m not pathetic! That’s the ultimate in pathetic-ness!!!”

She pulls forcefully out his arms, pushing against his chest. She runs to her door, grabbing her purse from the small couch on the way, “I have to go. I’ll see you later.”

Then she’s gone, leaving Oliver standing in the middle of their hotel room in his boxer briefs, aroused, confused and broken-hearted.

—————-

Oliver spends the day looking for Felicity.

After she ran out of their room, he quickly got dressed and rushed after her. But by the time he reached the lobby of their hotel, she was nowhere to be found. He looked for her in the hotel restaurant, but she wasn’t there. He asked the concierge if she had taken a taxi somewhere, but that didn’t yield results. He went to the coffee shop she liked about half a block from their hotel, but the barista said that Felicity had taken a large coffee and a sandwich to go. He looked for her in the museums and the galleries that they gone to, in the shops that she said she wanted to buy clothes from, even in the open organic market that they gone to the day before – to no results.

He then opted to drive around around Santa Fe, in the hopes of catching a glimpse of her in the city. While waiting on red lights, he tried calling her, and when she didn’t pick up his call, he texted her desperate, begging messages.

At around one in the afternoon, she texts back: “I need some time, Oliver. I’m OK. I’ll see you at the hotel tonight.”

With a mixed sigh of relief and frustration, he calls her.

She doesn’t pick up. He texts her back instead: “Please come back, Felicity. Come home. I’ll wait for you.”

Slamming his hand into the steering wheel, he lets out a growl of desperation.

How could he have been so so so monumentally stupid as to never even think how Felicity would be affected by his hesitance to be sexually intimate with her? How could she think that he didn’t want her? How could he not know that thought could have crossed her mind? Why didn’t he just tell her his reasons?

As he laments the things he could have done to avoid hurting Felicity and this situation, he drives back to their hotel.

He was going to make good on his promise and wait for her to come back to him.

————————-

Felicity had spent the day walking around the Sante Fe Railyard area. She was tempted to take a train to Albuquerque, but then realised how much Oliver would worry if she left town without telling him.

She might have been upset then, but she was more angry at herself than at Oliver. There was no need to add more drama by getting on a train out of town. And she didn’t want to cause Oliver more worry, running away from him this morning was bad enough.

Worse still, he was stuck with an insecure, non-sexy-but-horny girlfriend, she thought bitterly as she wallowed.

Eventually, she realised that avoiding him further would not do anyone any good. She had to face the music and deal with Oliver. She had to tell Oliver why she was upset. She had to listen to him apologise for something that wasn’t his fault – and she had to convince him of that.

All the lights are off when she enters their hotel room.

“Oliver?” she says nervously as she turns the hall light on.

He stands up from the small couch and moves to rush to her before stopping himself, “Hi.”

“Hi,” she says back.

“Felicity, I–”

“Oliver–”

They stop speaking at the same time, and chuckle nervously. 

Before he could speak again, Felicity says, “I’m sorry for disappearing, Oliver. I know you must have worried. I just needed time. To kind of wallow. No, not kind of. To wallow. I wallow sometimes. I bet you didn’t know that about me. But I do. It’s one of things I don’t like about myself. That I wallow. And that I always lose track of my original point! I meant to say that I am sorry that I ran away this morning, Oliver. I did not mean to cause you any worry. And that I just needed time by myself to deal with things.”

She takes a deep breath and walks closer to him, “I know you love me, Oliver. I know that. You wouldn’t have asked me to run away with you, if you didn’t. But sometimes, I wondered, if – if – if –” she stutters before taking another deep breath to continue in a rush, “– if you’re attracted to me the way I’m attracted to you and the way you’re attracted to your past lovers.”

“Felicity…” Oliver begs, reaching a hand towards her.

“No, I have to finish, OK? I need to get this out, because, if don’t now, I’ll never get to what I want to say,” Felicity insists, “OK?”

Oliver nods, “OK, Felicity.”

“I’ve always seen you as someone who likes – enjoys – sex. I mean, you’ve always had healthy urges in the past – with you know, other women,” Felicity begins again, “So, sometimes I wonder why you don’t have the same … urge … for me…? I know you want us to take our time together. I get that. And I accept that. I do. I like the time that we’ve spent together. The courting. The dating. I’ve really, really liked that. I’ve fallen so much more in love with you than I could ever have thought possible because of our time together. I love you so much, Oliver. And I know you love me. And I know that because you love me, you’re going to have sex with me to prove my petty insecurities wrong. And I don’t want that. It’s the last thing I want for you, and for me, and for us.”

Oliver pulls her into his arms as soon as she finishes speaking, holding her close and tight. Felicity buries her face in his chest, breathing him in, relieved that she got that all out without too much babbling.

Oliver shifts her to put an arm under her knees to lift her up across his chest, sitting back on the couch he had vacated with her on his lap.

“I’ve done you so much wrong, Felicity,” he admits after a few minutes of nuzzling each other.

Felicity gasps, shaking her head in denial, “No, Oliver–”

“I have. I’ve been in love with you for longer than you know,” Oliver continues, “I suspected I was in love with you when I slept with Isabel. I slept with her to deny it, to her, and to myself. Then I called your name out – and then you saw us. And it just – It just hurt, you know. That you were hurt, hurt me. But I couldn’t be with you, Felicity. Because of the life that I led. Because of who I was. I was a damaged man. I still am. I didn’t want that for you.”

“Then, Sara – she was safe. She was just like me. Damaged. And I felt responsible for her. But at the same time, I knew that she could never really hurt me. Like I could never really hurt her. We were both in love with other people. So, she was safe. And I was lonely. I –”

“Oliver, you don’t have to explain about Sara or Isabel to me,” Felicity interrupted, “You don’t owe me any explanations for your past relationships.”

“But, I do, Felicity,” he responds, “I do, because all of those relationships was me running away from my feelings for you. Me, being a coward, deliberately, because you made me feel something that I had never felt before. I deliberately disregarded you, your feelings, my feelings for you, when I got involved in those relationships. So, yeah, I feel like I owe you an explanation for them. There was a part of me that felt like I was cheating on you with them. Which is ironic, because I cheated on every serious relationship I’ve ever had, and it didn’t feel the way it felt when I got involved with Isabel and Sara after knowing that I was in love with you.”

“Oh, Oliver,” Felicity murmurs, squeezing him tight.

“Then, this past year, Felicity,” Oliver continues, “How can I make up for everything I’ve put you through this past year? Breaking your heart again and again. Hurting you. Becoming Al Sahim. Working with Malcolm. Working with Ra’s. Marrying Nyssa. Making you think you were dying by my hand. I don’t know, if I will ever atone for everything I have put you through, Felicity.”

“Is that why you don’t want to have sex with me?” Felicity asks gently.

He grasps her face in his hands at her question.

“I want to have sex with you, Felicity. I want to make love with and to you. I want to fuck you. I want to have you in all the ways that you will allow me to have you. I want everything with you,” Oliver growls, his tone leaving no room for doubt or argument, “Don’t ever think that I don’t want you, Felicity. I have never wanted anyone the way I have you. Believe that.”

He looks her in the eye, compelling her to believe him, to never doubt his regard for her again. When she nods and gives him a small smile in assent, he covers her mouth with his in a sweet, passionate kiss.

“Oliver,” Felicity whispers as they recover from their kiss, “I thought that when I agreed to run away with you, to be with you, it was implied that I’ve forgiven you for past mistakes and disappointments.”

“I would never take your forgiveness for granted, Felicity,” he responds.

“Then, ask for it,” she says.

He takes a deep breath and says, “I am so so sorry for every hurt I’ve caused you. For making you believe that I don’t love you. That you didn’t matter enough to me. For making you feel as if my love for you was nothing compared to every other thing in my life. For being a coward. For leaving you there in the dungeon, believing that you were going to die and that it didn’t matter to me. For not fighting to have you in my life. For not finding another way that would have allowed you and me to be unbreakable. I am so so sorry, Felicity. Please forgive me.”

“Will you promise to never do those things again? To never take my love for granted again? To never give up on us?” Felicity asks, “To always try to find another way so we can be together?”

“I promise,” he vows.

Felicity smiles, “Then I forgive you. Now, you have to forgive yourself, Oliver.”

“I will try.”

Felicity snuggles closer to him as he nuzzles her neck.

“So, no sex until you forgive yourself?” she asks cheekily.

He laughs and stands up from the couch with her held in his arms, “Think again, lust muffin.”


End file.
